My Pandora station played "Your Grace Is Enough" by Matt Maher (we sing the song frequently during Sunday morning worship, too) this morning, and one of the lines stood out to me in a way it hadn't before.
Great is Your faithfulness, oh God, You wrestle with the sinners restless hearts...It suddenly reverberated in my heart, connecting with some things I've been mulling over the last couple of days.
When I gave my life to Christ 25 years ago I made a commitment to serve God through my actions. As I've gotten older and developed my relationship with Him more, becoming more aware of the risks, struggles & blessings of that decision, there have been days and seasons I had to reaffirm that commitment. Those "big moment" decisions are critical to have a moment to look back to when things get rough; I made a choice, and refuse to look back.
What is harder, however, is the day-to-day decisions and moments.
I've realized lately that my focus & thought life has drifted from what I would like, and from the commitments that I have made. It's a continual pattern & cycle in my life - I start having regular quiet times, good prayer times, get more attuned to hearing His voice, and watch my attitude, energy, joy and peace increase. Then I get distracted & tired, things come up, I choose an extra 30 minutes of sleep or a movie or book instead of taking time to spend with Him, and before I know it my habits and thought patterns are shifting.
The shorter explanation: I have a restless heart. God is constantly wrestling with my it, and the battle goes round and round.
At Bible Study lately we were looking at Jacob wrestling with the "Angel of the Lord" (Jesus), and discussing how the concept of literally fighting with God seems so foreign and scary. In a physical sense, it still is... but I'm realizing that it's also an image of our hearts struggling to accept His Sovereignty and leadership over our lives. I wrestle constantly, daily with God.
1 Timothy 4 says to, "Have nothing to do with irreverent, silly myths. Rather train yourself for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come... For to this end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people, especially of those who believe."
I want to refocus on training for myself in godliness. Anyone else ready for a new start?
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